Dark Flower Event Code of Conduct


Dark Flower is an inclusive kink and sex positive event company with varied and diverse backgrounds. We are committed to providing a friendly, safe, welcoming environment for all genders, sexual orientations, and kinks.

The Code of Conduct outlines expectations for ALL those who participate in Dark Flower events including, staff, volunteers, sponsors, and attendees (referred to as Dark Flower Community Members).

Expected Behavior

All Dark Flower Community Members must:

  • Be respectful in speech and actions.

  • Attempt collaboration before conflict.

  • Be mindful of your surroundings and other participants.

Unacceptable Behavior

All Dark Flower Community Members must NOT engage in:

  • Violence or threats of violence outside of a scene.

  • Encouraging a person to commit suicide or to engage in self-harm.

  • Alcohol or Marijuana overuse. All those participating in scenes will be reasonably sober. If you are not safe to drive a car, you are not safe to run or participate in a scene. If you appear to be inhibited, we will error on the side of caution and not allow you to do scenes.

  • Illegal drug use of any kind.

  • Derogatory comments related to:

    • gender, gender identity and expression,

    • sexual orientation,

    • fetishes,

    • sexual trauma,

    • kinks,

    • disability, mental illness,

    • neuro(a)typicality,

    • physical appearance,

    • ethnicity or national origin,

    • race, age, religion, or socioeconomic status.

  • Physical contact without affirmative, enthusiastic consent.

  • Sexual behavior of any kind without affirmative, enthusiastic consent.

  • Unwelcome sexual attention including:

    • sexualized comments or jokes,

    • sexual advances,

    • repeated asks for consent after rejection.

  • Deliberate intimidation, stalking or following, online or in person.

  • Risk-unaware behavior, inside or outside of a scene.

  • Interrupting ongoing scenes for non-safety related reasons.

  • Involving people outside of initial negotiation in scenes.

  • Deliberate “outing” of any aspect of a person’s identity without their consent.

  • Deliberate misgendering or use of "dead" or rejected names.

  • Recording any of any kind without consent of everybody in the recording.

Scene Etiquette

Any BDSM encounter is called a “scene”. It may or may not involve sexual activity. Scenes are sometimes referred to as play.

Participants of a scene must:

  • Negotiate scenes with all participants before the scene begins, including:

    • Relevant limits (hard and soft).

    • Health issues or injuries that could impact the scene.

    • Activities that will take place in the scene.

    • Risks for the type of play.

    • Communication rules.

    • A plan for aftercare for all participants.

  • Establish safety precautions.

  • Have necessary safety equipment on hand e.g. safety shears for rope scenes.

  • Respect safewords.

  • End scenes, even if no safe word is called, if the scene becomes unsafe, or non-consensual.

  • Check in with other participants during and after the scene concludes to ensure all behavior was as intended/desired.

  • Establish aftercare plan for all participants.

Anybody watching a scene must:

  • Respect the scene and its players.

  • Not kink shame or make negative comments.

  • Not intrude upon, interrupt, or distract participants in a scene.

House safewords are “safeword” or “red”. Non-verbal safewords are also encouraged.

If you have a concern with a scene, please bring it to the staff’s attention.

If you at all unsure about an aspect of a scene, ask Dark Flower staff for help.

Reporting Guidelines & Contact Info

Dark Flower appreciates and takes all feedback or reports of violations very seriously.

You can contact Dark Flower staff through the following:

Please include items such as details, links, screenshots, and context as this will help us act accordingly.

Staff will intervene, identify themselves, and take further action.

Consequences of Unacceptable BehaviOR

Unacceptable behavior from any Dark Flower Community Member will not be tolerated.

Dark Flower may take any action they deem appropriate, up to and including permanent expulsion from Dark Flower Community and all events without warning (without refund in the case of a paid event).

License and attribution

This Code of Conduct is distributed under a Creative Commons BY license.

It has been adapted with substantial changes from LGBTQ in Technology Code of Conduct.

Scene definition adopted from BDSM Wiki.


The Dark Flower Code of Conduct was last updated on November 25th, 2018.